Palomino Crest Shopping Center
TO: All Palomino Crest Shopping Center Employees
FROM: Janet Lipperhusk, Managing Director
RE: The Thanksgiving Tree
Everyone it’s that time of year again, time for the annual Palomino Crest Shopping Center Thanksgiving Tree. This year’s event looks to be our biggest and best ever. Please read the following information carefully to ensure that our shoppers have a wonderful Thanksgiving experience here at Palomino Crest.
This year’s Thanksgiving Tree is a mighty redwood that is nearly two thousand years old and stands over three hundred feet tall. You may have noticed the construction crews busily cutting a hole in the roof to accommodate this mighty emblem of the holidays. As always be sure to remind shoppers to be on the look-out for falling debris.
The Thanksgiving tree will be raised on Saturday, November 14, and all employees will be required to be there.
The annual turkey slaughter will take place at noon on the day of the tree raising. There will be free axes available for use by the general public. For the safety of our shoppers and you, our valued employees, there will be no outside blades of any kind allowed.
Each registered shopper will be allowed to select and kill a turkey of their choosing. For the disabled, elderly or children under the age of five our two honorary turkey killers, Dave and Tina, will be there to assist. Dave and Tina were the winners of our essay contest and have won the exclusive right to swing those axes, so if you see them around the mall, make sure to congratulate them. Great job!
All slaughtered turkey carcasses will be hung in the Thanksgiving Tree. There will be a contest for children ten and under to see who can hang their turkey carcass upon the highest bough. Prizes include gift cards, free pizza and of course the chance to meet Santa Claus a whole month early!
Turkey carcasses will remain in the tree until the week of Thanksgiving. A collection pan will be inserted under the tree to collect all biological drippings. Later we will donate these drippings to local candle makers who craft custom candles for the poor.
Carrion birds will fly into the mall through the hole in the roof, drawn by the smell of rotting death. An air horn will blast every thirty seconds, twenty four hours a day, too drive them away.
Every year the smell of decomposing bird meat draws the ravenous slobber of feral dogs that live in our town’s sewer system. This year we have partnered with animal control to round up these dogs as they wander into our mall.
The turkey carcasses will be harvested from the tree on Tuesday, November 24, in order to give families the time to properly cook the birds. Please remind anyone taking a bird home that the bird should be cooked for 48 hours straight at a temp of 700 degrees in order not to cause stomach bleeding and organ failure when ingested.
New this year will be a feral dog adoption event held on Wednesday, November 25. There will be free rabies shots for anyone who adopts as the likely hood of being bitten is 100%.
I’m so proud of each and every one of you. You have made 2015 the best year on record for the Palomino Crest Shopping Center. Give yourselves a pat on the back. Thank you for your hard work and your loyalty.
I know that Thanksgiving is a time for families so I encourage all of you to invite your families to come see you on Thanksgiving while you work your double shift.
I can’t wait for Christmas!
Palomino Crest Shopping Center