Man Not Buying This Excuse

“Look there’s just no way that I’m buying this excuse,” said local plumber and father of three, Jerry Chandler, “I’m mean how stupid do I look?”

“It really chaps my ass that people can’t respect me enough to just shoot me straight. I’ve worked hard all my life for the things that I have and I’ll be damned if I’m going to be sold some old, beat up excuse, that’s clearly got a lot of miles on it.”

Jerry, whose growing family has put added stress on him to find something reliable, has been all over town looking for a narrative that not only sounds good but is believable.

“I mean sure I could go for the full on bald-faced lie but how could I possibly tell that to my wife. She would take one look at that and see it for what it is: Total horse shit. I need something dependable, something like a partial truth, or maybe even a little white lie with ego boost.”

“Here’s the deal I absolutely have to have something, but one thing’s for sure, I am not buying this fucking terrible excuse.”

“I did find a decent sounding story in the paper. It’s got a lot of holes in it and the logic doesn’t quite make a ton of sense, but it’s got the plausibility I’m looking for and the guy that’s selling it said he’ll throw in a couple of big confusing words for free if I pay cash.”

“Still, it just really fires me up to know that someone would try and get me to purchase such a shitty fucking excuse. I bet the god damn thing is completely built with foreign participles.”

“Anyways I’m still looking. I might call the guy about the story or there’s this decent sounding anecdote I might go look at later today.”

After a couple more hours of searching Jerry ended up going with a rambling, semi-believable half truth, that ended up breaking down right in the middle of the explosive, late night argument between he and his wife about where he’d been for the last six months.