The Case for Pooping at Work

Taking a poop at work is about striking a healthy work/break balance. Here’s why you should be pooping at work.

Going to work sucks, most of us have a job that is unfulfilling, boring, infuriating, stressful, low paying, etc. Sometimes it’s all of those things all at the same time. So what do you do when work becomes a migraine headache waiting to happen? Do you take your break? Do you step out for an early lunch? Why? Why waste a break or take lunch at ten in the morning? When work becomes too much you should take a poop.  

Now before we get too deep with this I want to say that pooping is a natural human process, we all do it, so let’s be adult about this. In fact take a moment, turn to the person next to you and say, “I poop and so do you.” Did you do it? Good.

Taking a poop at work is a wonderful break. It’s a moment of quiet solitude where you can step away from things and have a blissful moment to yourself. You can play solitaire on your phone. You can scan Facebook, check Twitter, or just stare at the dull gray stall door and think about Hawaii or drinking a beer. The best part about it is you don’t have to burn a break or a lunch to do it either. Taking a poop at work is like a free pass to relax.

What if your work bathroom is unclean, gross or just in close proximity to your co-workers? If it is, you need to get over it, because if you’re finding excuses not to poop at work you’re depriving yourself of some serious you time.

But what if you just can’t go? What if you evacuate everything before you hit the road in the morning, or worse, what if you hold it in, letting it build up so that you can blow it all out the moment you walk in the front door? I say stop that! Nobody is paying you to crap at home but if you’re pooping at work you’re getting paid to do it. So do it.

You can set yourself up for success when it comes to pooping at work by drinking coffee, eating a diet high in fiber and chugging prune juice. Find what foods get your digestive juices flowing and ingest them. Then get ready to kick back, let your mind drift off to someplace where spreadsheets and angry bosses don’t matter and blow some serious mud.

If your boss ever confronts you about the lengthy time that you spend in the stall simply say, “I was taking a shit. Do you want to talk about it?” The answer will always be a resounding ‘No’. Always put them in a position where they will be forced to discuss your dump. They will back down every time. This tactic is bulletproof. Nobody can ever call bullshit on your shit because nobody wants to have that conversation.

I hope that you can see how pooping at work can be a real benefit. So next time your boss is breathing down your neck or that sales report that you couldn’t care less about is staring you in the face, march yourself to the bathroom, lay down some tissue paper, sit, relax, fire up the solitaire and take a poop.