Ten minutes after making a left-hand turn onto State Route 69, a late model Honda Civic inexplicably continued down the open highway with its left turn signal still engaged. Witnesses reported seeing the car as it hugged the dividing line between the second and third lanes.
“I was driving my kids to school when I came up behind the car with the blinker still on,” said Marla Giftman, a mother of three and avid neighborhood watch participant, “It was intense. My palms were sweating, I felt light-headed, everyone, including my screaming, out-of-control, devil children, had no idea what was going to happen next. The anticipation was killing us. When would the car change lanes? I finally got off the freeway because that blinker was kind of hypnotizing me. I almost drove us into oncoming traffic. Tell you what, if these kids don’t calm down, I will.”
The car continued, unabated, down State Route 69, past Bill’s Roadside Diner, remaining in the same lane, with the blinker still flashing, like a ticking time bomb.
“I had just finished my breakfast of eggs, sausage and a cup of decaf when I stepped out of Bill’s and saw the car with the blinker still on,” said Roy Tummy, a retired log splitter, “I thought for sure the guy was going to change lanes and then he didn’t, just kept on going like he had no idea his darned left blinker was still on.”
Several other roadside witnesses, including one man who stopped changing his flat tire for a brief moment to watch, "The idiot driving with his blinker on," pass by at legal highway speed, confirmed that it was in fact a man driving the car.
“We got the call about eight thirty, that a male, possibly in his thirties, wearing a sweater, was driving on State Route sixty-nine with his blinker on,” said Sheriff’s Deputy Colleen Marblewood, “We ignored it.”
Perhaps the closest encounter occurred just before the Oak Street underpass, when Tiffany Bubbleblonde, a local high school senior and captain of the cheerleading squad, pulled alongside the Honda. “I didn’t even notice him at first. I was responding to a text, when for some reason, maybe it was the unicorn emoji or a honking horn, but I looked up from my text and there was this guy, just staring straight ahead, driving, like, with his blinker on. I was totally freaked.” WTF. Confused smiley face emoji.
“He didn’t even look over. It was like he was an alien or something.” OMG. Alien emoji. “I mean how can you be so distracted that you don’t even notice your blinker is still on?” WL. LOL. Poop Emoji. Car crash.
Tiffany was lucky and will be okay. Don’t text and drive.
The Honda continued for another thirty-two miles, remaining in the second lane, never quite crossing that impossibly thin threshold that would justify the flashing yellow light on the left side of the vehicle. At Exit 57 the car exited the freeway, stopped at the bottom of the off-ramp and proceeded to turn right.