The DO'S and DON'TS of a Big Weekend

Well you done it, you’ve told all of your co-workers at the cubicle farm that you’re gearing up for a big weekend. Here are some handy do’s and don’ts that will help ensure that your weekend isn’t just big, it’s BIG.

FRIDAY

Do brag to everyone you see that you are going to have a big weekend.

Do make sure that there are no scheduling conflicts that might get in the way of making this weekend a big one.

Do check the Planetarium’s website to make sure that tickets are still available.

Don’t accept your co-workers offer for after work drinks.

Do leave early.

Don’t start thinking that the dreary, soul crushing arrival of Monday morning is a little over 48 hours away.

When you arrive home, and the cute girl/guy down the hall whom, for reasons known only to the Universe has somehow taken a liking to you, asks if you want to come over and watch a movie, don’t accept. Tell them you have a big weekend planned and you need your rest.

Do tell them you are going to the Planetarium tomorrow.

Don’t invite them, they are not into science, at least as far as you can tell.  

Do eat dinner while watching a show about the planets.

Do go to bed early.

Don’t think about the impending impact of the gigantic depression asteroid known as Monday morning.

Do dream about your big weekend.

SATURDAY

Do get up early.

Do check your email, Facebook, Twitter, Google +, Instagram.

Don’t let the lack of any notifications, likes or emails ruin your morning.

Do have some oatmeal and a banana.

Don’t do any chores or run any errands.

Do forgive yourself for spending most of the day doing chores and running errands.

Do pick out a flashy Planetarium outfit.

When you step out of your roach infested apartment and the cute girl/guy down the hall, whom through some unfathomable twist of fate seems to like you, asks if you would like to attend a party being thrown by them later that evening in their apartment, don’t accept. Tell them you have a date with the Planetarium. Don’t invite them.

Do arrive to the Planetarium early.

Do buy some popcorn and space licorice for the show.

Do ask the girl taking the tickets if you can enter the show early to get the best seats.

Do mention you are in the middle of a big weekend.

Don’t freak when she tells you the Planetarium theater is closed for renovations.

Don’t go ballistic when explaining to her that the Planetarium's website says nothing about a renovation.  

Don’t allow your mind to focus on the veritable doomsday of Monday morning which is fast approaching like a speeding freight train.

Do leave.

When you arrive back at your apartment and the cute girl/guy steps out of their place and asks if you just want to stop in for a quick drink, don’t say yes, don’t listen to the cool music being played, don’t yearn for the companionship of another human being, who for reasons known only to God, somehow is seeking your companionship as well, and don’t let the laughter of their cool friends pull you into their party. They are not science people and they don’t get it!

Do enter your apartment and sit in your chair and watch a science show, alone.

Do tell yourself this weekend is getting big.

SUNDAY

Do wake up around one in the afternoon.

Do call the Planetarium and ask when the renovations will be finished.

Don’t let their estimated timeline of six months bring your down.  

Do make some frozen waffles for lunch.

Do watch a science show.

Don’t answer the door when that cute girl/guy, whom somehow has shaken off all of your rejections and still seems to be in to you, knocks, and through the door asks if you want to grab sushi for lunch.

Do yell back that you already ate waffles.

Don’t leave your apartment all day.

Don’t open the blinds.

Don’t let this weekend get too big!

Do go to bed early.

Don’t allow yourself to think about the nightmarish landscape of Monday morning, which lurks somewhere out there in the darkness, and pains your mind like an irritated hemorrhoid.

Do tell yourself you had a big weekend.

MONDAY

Do get up and go to work.

Do acknowledge that the cubicle farm is a great place to spend eighty hours a week.

Don’t allow yourself to think about the cute girl/guy, whom probably doesn’t like you anymore.

Do lie to all of your co-workers and tell them that you had a big weekend.

There you have it. The handy DO’S and DON’TS of a big weekend. Next time we’ll explore the DO’S and DON’TS of dinner at a fancy restaurant.