Booger Knows He's the Next to be Picked

Justin Disgustin, a medium sized, semi-viscous green booger, residing in the upper right nostril of human being Dale Flobberson, is completely convinced that he will be the next one to be picked.

“It’s going to happen, I can feel it,” said Justin as he nervously peered through the blinds of his front window, “The finger is coming for me and there’s nothing I can do about it. It’s coming for us all.”

Justin’s fatalistic view of the nostril has been a recent development with no clear reason as to why. Those closest to the oblong shaped, slimy hunk of semi dried snot have differing opinions on Justin’s behavior. His mom, a silver hunk of dried snot from two colds ago, thinks that Justin is just afraid of growing up. “Justin has always been a nervous booger. When he was first formed, right after a heavy flow of thick, rope like snot from the inner nasal cavity, his father and I thought that he wouldn’t make it. He was too thin and frail. We figured he would just get blown out of the nostril in the next heavy Kleenex event. But he managed to survive and has grown into a normal looking booger. I mean, I never thought his blob of snot would ever dry up into a jagged white tail of fragile mucous but it did. He’s just afraid that soon he’ll have to move out and find a place of his own in the lower nostril.”

Justin doesn’t agree. Citing a recent spate of nose blowings and sneezes, Justin insisted that the picking would begin shortly and that it would be devastating. “I hope you know that none of us are going to survive. Any time there is a large amount of nose blowing, you can bet that the finger is coming next. Think about it man! The nose blow doesn’t get all of us. Dale is going to shove his finger up here and he’s going to clean house. Just thinking about this makes me fucking sick.”

On the subject of Dale Flobberson, historical records have shown that the man is not shy about going knuckle deep in search for boogers to pick, nor does he discriminate when and where he does it. Greg Redandgreen, a moist, bloody booger residing on the inner wall of the left nostril has some insight into this. “It’s been observed that Dale will pick his nose in traffic, at the dinner table, and pretty much anywhere. You can’t predict when it’s going to happen. We even have an account of Dale doing it while having sex. It only happened the one time, and it hasn’t happened since, but who knows, there is a small chance that Dale will be able to have sex again and if it happens, you can bet that inside his nose is the first place his finger is going.”

Justin’s father, a big green glob with a single black hair protruding from his forehead, and a research scientist at the Green Observational Scientific Study institute, or GROSS, offered a much different reason for Justin’s dire view of the future. “Justin is scared, and he should be, because what’s happening in the nostril is completely booger made. Nobody wants to admit it but the science backs it up. The nostril is getting warmer, and when the nostril gets warmer, snot flows easier, and when snot flows easier more and more boogers get made. The more boogers there are the hotter it gets. It’s a viscous cycle, one that I fear we can’t come back from. If we don’t start immediately dialing back our manufacturing of new boogers and cut our snot use by at least fifty percent than I fear the nose is eventually going to become uninhabitable, or worse, we’ll see some kind of extinction event, like a major blow out, or a cataclysmic sneeze. Don’t mess with Mother Nostril, she will kick your ass if she has to.”

“The only reason I’m still here is because Dale is right handed and thankfully the lower nostril is completely overrun with bloody scabs and dried up remnants of already picked boogers,” Justin noted. He is correct. Dale is right handed and has a proclivity to cross pick the left nostril much more than the right. He usually spends most of his time digging around for the annoying wisps of dried up biological remnants that inhabit the viewable portion of his nostrils. Still he has been known to go deep, such was the case two days ago when he pulled an unsuspecting booger from its bed located in the furthest reaches of the left nostril.  “Oh my god I don’t like to think about that,” said Justin, “did you know that he ate it?! That’s right, he rolled that poor booger up and popped it in his mouth. I read about it in the newspaper. It gave a pick by pick account of what happened. I stopped reading after a while. I mean how do you write about something like that? What kind of sick son-of-a-bitch writes a whole article about boogers being picked? Sick, just sick.”

“I think Justin will be just fine,” his mother added, “he just needs to relax.”

At press time Justin was still nestled in the right nostril and had even ventured out a couple of times to meet some friends and catch a movie. There have been no sightings of Dale’s fungus riddled finger nail protruding anywhere near Justin’s neighborhood.


Early this morning reports have come in that would indicate that both nostrils of Dale Flobberson’s nose have been hit by a cataclysmic Neti Pot event. Rescue crews have been unable to reach the nostrils and hopes for any survivors are slim, however there is word that some of the young boogers, located in the very back of the nasal cavity, were able to escape down the back of the throat right before the Neti Pot impact.