In what is being described by his parents, as the single worst decision of his young life, Skippy Littletail, has decided against going to college and instead plans to pursue his dream of becoming an actor. “I’m just completely and totally disappointed,” said Ron Littletail, Skippy’s father, an acorn handler working in a tree down at the local park. “I have busted my mostly non-existent tail so that he would have the opportunity to make something of himself and now he’s just throwing it away.” His mother, Janine, who also works at the local park, sitting on branches, darting about to and fro on the ground and occasionally doing light bookkeeping work for a beauty salon agrees. “He has so much potential, he’s a straight A student, he volunteers, if he doesn’t go to college I don’t know what I’ll do.”
Skippy’s grades were good enough to earn him valedictorian status at Chippington Dale Rescue Ranger High School and he has fielded several full ride scholarship offers from some of the most prestigious universities in the country.
“Harvard could use a chipmunk like Skippy,” said Vern Halifax, dean of the Harvard school of advanced physics, “Skippy could be one of those once in a lifetime minds that does something truly amazing, also we’ve got some wonderful trees here on campus, something I know a chipmunk would really like.” Several other ivy league colleges have reached out as well as Gadget Hackwrench, a small art college, located in the Pacific Northwest. Interestingly, Gadget was the only college that Skippy actually visited.
“I loved it up there at Gadget, I mean what a beautiful campus, and their theater department was top notch, still I don’t know if it’s right for me, I didn’t see one female chipmunk, that’s kind of disconcerting. If I was to consider going to college, I would want to, you know, get a chance to play a little hide the acorn, if you know what I mean,” said Skippy.
“We had an outbreak of Mange last year so we had to poison all of the chipmunks living on campus,” said Dean of Gadget Hackwrench, Paul Floatman, “but that’s all past us now. I want to assure Skippy that if he comes to Gadget he’ll be safe, plus he’ll have his pick of any tree on campus.”
“I just don’t understand my son anymore,” said Ron, “up until a few months ago all the kid could talk about was science this, science that, he was going to invent something called a subatomic acorn reorganizer, whatever the fuck that is, now all he can talk about is going to Hollywood and becoming a big star. Somebody fucking feed me to a hawk!”
Skippy’s best friend, fellow chipmunk, Scoots Tinynails, has some insight into Skippy’s sudden change of heart. “Yeah he wanted to be a scientist but that all changed the day he saw that Youtube video of Twiggy the water skiing squirrel. After that, he had the acting bug.”
“Look I’m going to go to Hollywood to pursue my dream,” said Skippy, “if it doesn’t work out I can always think about going to Yale or MIT or Pinecone Polytechnic. But I gotta try man, I gotta try, besides a bunch of my friends decided against college and they did just fine. One of them even lives at the beach.”
“Let me tell you about Skippy’s friends who decided to not go to college,” said a visibly upset Janine, “all of them were run over by Prius’, those things are silent and deadly, and that friend that lives at the beach, he’s a seagull who eats from a dumpster, does that sound like beach living to you?”
“Look this is just something I have to do. I may fail and fall flat on my cute little chipmunk face but I have to give this a shot.”
“The kid doesn’t know the first thing about fucking water skiing, goddammit, where’s my acorn whiskey?”
Two days after graduation Skippy said goodbye to his friends and family, darted down his tree, bounded through the park, scurried across a picnic blanket and ran into the street where he was run over by a Prius.