Find Your Keys in 5 Easy Steps!

Let’s face it, at some point in time, we are all going to lose our keys. Just like death, it’s inevitable and it happens at the most inopportune times, but if you follow these five easy steps, you’ll quickly have your keys and your life back.  

STEP 1: Over the millennia keys have evolved to naturally find small, dark places to hide. It’s a natural defense against predators and leads us to the first place you should always check: Your body’s orifices.

STEP 2: After explaining to your significant other why you were engaged in Step 1, and that it’s usually polite to knock first, enlist their help! When they start asking rapid fire questions about places you might have left your keys, make sure to answer with things like, Do I look stupid to you Tina, of course I checked my coat pockets, or, Gee Brad, do you really think I wouldn’t have looked on the coffee table? Make sure to show just how passionate you are about finding your keys!

STEP 3: Leave no stone unturned, literally. There are millions of stones outside big enough for your keys to hide under. You need to turn over every one of them!

STEP 4: Look in impossible places. How does the saying go? If you eliminate things that are impossible then the remaining impossible things, no matter how impossible are still impossible. Look in places where your keys could not possibly be. This includes thimbles, inside your laptop, underneath the concrete slab in the backyard and inside your mind.

STEP 5: Return to the coffee table, where you tossed your coat and check the pocket. Bingo! You found them.