Mystic Meditations Presents: Deep V-Neck Meditation

Mystic Meditations, the ongoing series of at home meditations, designed to help you super charge your life, proudly brings you the Deep V-Neck meditations of Yogi Abercrombie Anthropologie TJ Maxx Forever Twenty-One Marshalls Ross. Yogi Ross has been doing Deep V-Neck meditation for over twenty years and today, shares with you a simple ten-minute meditation that can be done at home.

Begin by finding a quiet place in your home or apartment, away from roommates, boyfriends, girlfriends, blenders, guitar amps, etc., like your closet or the toilet room.

Take a deep breath, exhale, breathe again, and again and again. It is important to breathe throughout the meditation, this is not like that time you and your lover tried the chokey thing.

Start to chant, The Deeper the V, the Deeper the Me.

Now you are ready. Imagine you are a Deep V-Neck t-shirt. You’re V is sharp, angular, ready to dive. You begin to go deeper.

Your V begins to dive, exposing your chest and all that you may feel about it. Nobody can see your chest anymore, nobody can notice the pushups you’ve been doing, or the waxing, or the enhancements. Not the cute girl down the hall, not the cute guy who lives upstairs. Your chest becomes nothing, it is obliterated, only the deep V remains. You begin to go deeper.

The V becomes deeper, your stomach spills forth from it. It becomes a frothing ocean spray, salty, bubbly, free of all constraints. No longer can your stomach hold you back. No longer can you say things like, I can’t eat anymore tacos, my stomach hurts or I can’t go to the zoo, my belt doesn’t have enough notches. You are becoming free. You go deeper.

The V dives below your genitalia. They are exposed, on display for the world to see, like that time you took that picture and sent it to that cute girl or guy in your building, but also sent it to all of your contacts. All judgement and comments on your social media washes away like a swift river. You go deeper.

The V plunges to new depths. You continue to breath. You continue to chant. You ignore the pounding on the bathroom door. You ignore the spiders in your closet crawling on your skin. You are deep.

Finally we come to the deepest point of the V. It is only you and Gollum in this deep, dark cave. Gollum reaches for your V, he will chew your neck off to get it. You scream, The Deepest V, the Deepest Me! You smite the foul creature. You have transcended your fear. You let it all out at once, guilt, fear, bowels. You are deep. You are you.

The V slowly begins to rise. You feel lighter, happier. It travels upwards, brushing past your genitalia, your stomach, your chest until it stops, once again, just below your collar bone. Welcome back.

Don’t forget to flush or check your hair for spiders.