Teenage Living Room Trying to Cover Up Embarrassing Hardwood Flooring

In what has become a constant source of embarrassment, fifteen-year old living room, Scott Barker, has been trying to conceal his hardwood flooring with a series of strategically placed rugs, carpet and notebooks. Never one to be embarrassed by his hard, rigid flooring in the past, ever since turning fifteen and becoming more and more aware of girls and his own changing architecture, Scott has been trying to conceal an unyielding problem, that seems to pop up at the worst times.  

The problem first started when the girl next door, Mary Simpson, came over to hang out with the daughter of Scott’s owner, Jenny Tumbler. Both girls sat on Scott’s floor, playfully talking about girl stuff, when Mary pointed out that Scott’s floors were really hard. They both giggled and when Jenny noted that Scott’s floors were always hard, the embarrassment had been almost too much.

The next day Scott wore a long rug, that covered the entire length of his room, in a vain attempt to hide his stiff surface, but it was obvious what he was doing. Mary pointed it out almost immediately, when she once again came over, wearing a cute pair of jeans and a shirt that turned Scott’s flooring into a solid sheet of intensely hard wood. The girls even peeled back the rug, laughing and giggling the whole time. After seven minutes, the worst of Scott’s life, the girls retreated to Jenny’s room, leaving Scott to wallow in a stew of red hot embarrassment.

The next few days saw a series of carefully placed coffee tables, pillows, ottomans and notebooks in a pathetic attempt to conceal the taut, inflexible sign that Scott was becoming an adult living room. He even went so far as to cover his walls with horrible looking wallpaper to draw attention away from the never ending hard wood he was experiencing.

It wasn’t just Mary and Jenny that got his hardwood flooring stimulated. The sound of a woman’s voice, the Sears catalog and even a slight breeze, blowing across his sensitive flooring was enough to keep him solid for days at a time. It was especially bad anytime the owner, Sarah Tumbler, vacuumed him.

Dave, the Kitchen, who’s hard tile bordered Scott’s flooring, tried to help Scott through the embarrassment. Dave had been through the same experience years before, even having several embarrassing accidents. “There were mornings where I’d wake up, after having a particularly intense dream about Sarah mopping me, to find that my sink had shot water all over my tile.” Still, Dave knew that Scott was just going to have to deal with it. “It’s a right-of-passage. He’ll be fine. He just needs to get a little older.”

UPDATE

Scott seems to have traversed through his awkwardness about his hardwood flooring and has removed all carpet and rugs. He is said to be actively hoping that Mary, Jenny or Sarah will notice his long stretch of concrete like flooring and possibly sit on it.