Let’s face it, flashlights can be really complicated. It’s so hard to tell when the darn things are on or off! Here’s a handy guide to help you decide if your flashlight is working.
1. When you shine your flashlight in your face around the campfire and tell a scary tale of the hook man and his murderous rampage, do your campmates shake with fear and pee their pants; or do they laugh and call you Jimmy Stupid Stories? If they’re laughing then it’s a safe bet that your flashlight doesn’t work.
2. When you use your flashlight as a light saber, does the beam actually slice through walls and make the cool light saber sound; or does it just look like some loser standing in her darkened living room, all alone, making silly light saber sounds and swinging a flashlight around? If it’s the latter, then your flashlight is not working. Also, the reason you’re all alone playing light saber on a Saturday night, instead of being out with your friends, is probably not because you’re too force sensitive, but just overly sensitive and you should just get over the fact that your friends say you tend to live in a fantasy world, out of touch with reality.
3. Have you checked to see if the batteries are good? Find something of similar length, shape and girth, like that flashlight looking thing you keep in the nightstand next to your bed and put the batteries in that. Are they dead, or are the batteries still vibrating with life?
4. When you shine your flashlight in your closet and it only illuminates one of the monsters, that’s a good sign that your flashlight isn’t working right.
5. Have you taken your problem up with your doctor? Did he prescribe some little blue pills to make your flashlight turn on again? Wait, sorry, wrong article.