Returning home from work last week, local marketing executive, Belinda Haverscamp noticed a pair of her husband’s boxers, sitting in the dirty laundry basket that appeared to be completely missing the crotch. Upon closer inspection Belinda confirmed that the material that once covered the crotch of the underwear was simply not there. “I was shocked. I mean, his underwear is literally just a bunch of shredded cloth attached to an elastic waistband. Is he wearing this? I don’t understand.”
Further investigation of his underwear drawer revealed at least five more pairs of underwear in varying states of degrade. One pair had so many holes in the ass that it looked like one of the colanders Belinda often uses when making her world-famous rigatoni Bolognese. “I was shaking, I mean, is this what he wears every day? How can this be possible? Some of these, I can’t even tell how he would put them on anymore. What is happening? Is this how all men’s underwear is?”
After taking a ten-minute coffee break to collect herself, a creeping realization that her husband’s underwear might not be the only articles of clothing that had holes in them, began to overtake her. “I didn’t want to look, but I had to. I had to know.” Inside of her husband’s sock drawer Belinda found multiple pairs of socks with holes in the bottoms, at the toes and several that didn’t even have a heel anymore. She slammed the drawer shut and ran from the bedroom. “Why hasn’t he said anything? I go shopping all the time. I could have easily picked up some new socks or a package of boxers. How can he just wear these clothes with so many holes in them? It’s like he would rather wear these completely destroyed articles of clothing than simply go shopping for some new ones. It’s like he doesn’t even care!”
When her husband returned home later that evening, Belinda confronted him with the evidence. Bill just scratched his ass, shrugged his shoulders and pointed out that several of his work shirts also had holes in the pits.