In what is being described as the second most embarrassing moment of her professional career, Doctor of Urology, Dr. Elizabeth Schlong mistakenly attended a gynecology conference, being held in the Humpleberry Convention Center, on the same day as her own, urology conference.
“I can’t believe I did this,” said Dr. Schlong, “I was supposed to be the keynote speaker at the annual Pete Enderman New Internal Surgeries conference, named after famed urologist Pete Enderman and instead I mistakenly wander into the Veronica Anderson Gynecology conference, named after the famed gynecologist Veronica Anderson. I was looking for the P.E.N.I.S. but I wound up in the V.A.G. I feel so stupid!”
The two seminars, being held on opposite ends of the sprawling, eight hundred thousand square foot convention space, should have been very easy to tell apart, but a mix up in signage and the fact that almost all attendees were wearing white doctor’s coats, made it relatively easy to wander into the wrong conference.
“I just followed a couple of doctor’s who were talking about urethras and I figured I was heading in the right direction,” said Schlong.
The annual gynecology conference draws over five thousand attendees, most of whom were packed into the main auditorium to hear what they thought was the keynote address, to be delivered by Doctor Frank Vulva. Unfortunately, Dr. Vulva got food poisoning the previous night after ingesting some bad hotel buffet lobster and was, at the scheduled time of his presentation, vomiting in his room. This paved the way for the mix up.
“They announced that it was time for the keynote address and I was so nervous that I didn’t wait for them to call my name. I just wanted to get it over with, so I handed my Power Point to the projector guy and ran up there. As soon as my first slide, a wonderfully illustrated cross section of a penis hit he screen, there was an audible gasp from the crowd and I knew something wasn’t right.”
Indeed, reports of shock, bewilderment and downright anger were common reactions from the gathered crowd of highly trained doctors.
"I had just settled in and was really looking forward to Dr. Vulva’s groundbreaking work with labia’s when I suddenly see a pair of seminal vesicles up on the screen. I was shocked. I nearly choked on my sandwich,” said Dr. Lucy Cheese.
“I really had no idea what I was looking at. I guess that’s what a scrotum looks like, but how would I know, I’m a gynecologist!” said Dr. Steve Burnwood.
“I didn’t fly all the way from the other side of the country to hear some idiot talk about the vas deferens,” said Dr. Barbara Hennessey.
As Dr. Schlong’s presentation continued, the boos and shouts from the crowd made it increasingly clear, that this had been a mistake.
“Once I realized what was going on, I tried to find common ground,” recalled Dr. Schlong, “that’s why I really tried to emphasis the urethra. I mean men and women both have them. I could have gone in depth about the epididymis but I held back. It didn’t matter though, once the entire crowd started chanting, show us your vagina, I just ran out of there.”
Despite the hiccup in the keynote speech, most attendees of the V.A.G. conference said they enjoyed their time and even learned a thing or two.
“I guess it wasn’t that bad to learn a little bit about male reproductive anatomy, I mean, maybe with a little more schooling I can do some urology on the side out of my garage or something,” said Dr. Cheese.
“Now I know what my nut sack is really called,” said Dr. Burnwood.
“You know, I kind of like saying the words, vas deferens, it really of rolls off the tongue,” Dr. Hennessey said with a smile.
As for Dr. Schlong, she has tried to put the whole embarrassing episode behind her and continue on with life. “It happens, I can’t dwell on it, I just have to move on. Besides, nothing will ever be as embarrassing as that time I accidentally wound up inside that proctologist seminar.