Let’s face it, you snore and if you aren’t careful that snoring can keep your friends, family, neighbors, dead relatives and pets up all night! Snore scientists have now discovered 7 ways to help you stop snoring before it even starts.
1. Make a sandwich. This won’t stop your snoring but a good snack before bed can be a real treat.
2. Don’t sleep on your back, side or stomach.
3. The moment you begin to snore, have someone throw a bucket of ice cold water in your face. Repeat as many times as necessary throughout the night, every night.
4. Hook your mouth up to a woodwind instrument. Again, this won’t stop your snoring, but the sounds of smooth jazz throughout the night can be a real treat.
5. Most snoring is caused when a demon known as a Nose Ghost inhabits the body during sleep. Have a priest or necromancer on hand to banish the demon at the first sign of snoring.
6. Before bed watch a good romantic comedy. This does nothing.
7. Never sleep.
And there you have it, 7 effective ways to stop snoring before it even starts! Next time we’ll learn 5 ways to stop farting in an elevator before it even starts.