Parents of Stripper Pole Very Disappointed

John and Darla Brass are reportedly extremely disappointed in their daughter Cheryl’s decision to become a stripper pole. John, a brass pole who works at the local fire station and Darla a metal flagpole who works on the front lawn of city hall are both reportedly distraught over their daughter’s seemingly unbelievable decision to work as a stripper pole instead of exploring other career opportunities.

“I didn’t raise my daughter to be like this,” said John as a big sweaty fireman slid down his considerable length. “She is so smart, she could do anything she wants. I just don’t get it.”

“When she was young she always talked about being a tent pole, like at the circus. It was so cute. A month ago she was talking about going to college and we even had a couple of campus visits planned. What happened?”

Cheryl, who recently graduated high school with straight A’s has been accepted into several prestigious universities and seemed destined to pursue a career in fences or signs. Now, those plans have been put on hold.

“I don’t get it. Why can’t a girl just make some cash?” said Cheryl as she buffed the thigh sweat and fingerprints from her brass in between dances. “Maybe I don’t want to go to college and get some stupid nine to five like my Mom. This is exciting and fun. Standing on somebody’s front lawn all day and holding up a flag, sounds awful.”

“Cheryl has been a real breath of fresh brass if you know what I mean,” said Sleazy Rick, the owner of Jugulars, the strip club where Cheryl works. “Most of the poles in this place are warped and busted. Cheryl still has that new brass glow to her. Her stage is always the most popular.”

In the preceding months, neighbors of the brass family have reported hearing loud arguments between Cheryl and her parents. “I’m not sure what they’re yelling and screaming about, but I think it has something to do with Cheryl’s boyfriend,” said a concerned neighbor. Cheryl has recently begun dating a rust covered tetherball pole, many years her senior, much to the chagrin of her parents.

“It’s that fucker Rusty’s fault,” said a seething John, “this all started when she started dating him. If he ever shows his face around here he better watch out.”

“Rusty is harmless,” said Cheryl as a stripper named Persuasion expertly spun around her, “besides I’m not in love with him, he’s nice, but he’s just a pole. I have a plan. I’m doing this for me, not anyone else.”

“I just want my little girl back. I hear they’re looking for brass poles down at the local bed frame shop. I’m going to try and talk to Cheryl about that tonight,” said Darla as a momentary smile broke across her face before being replaced with a look of desperation.

“Everyone needs to chill the fuck out,” said Cheryl, “I’m doing this and nobody is going to stop me. I’m going to save the money I make this summer and do something cool with it, like start a business or take a trip to Europe.”

“Her mother and I just don’t want to think about it,” said John with a sigh. “As long as she doesn’t get pregnant or become one of those red-light poles near all the brothels I guess we can live with it.”


Cheryl and Rusty are expecting. Cheryl plans to continue working at the club all the way through her pregnancy while Rusty plans to skip town.