1. Bring lots of sunscreen. If you run out, seagull poop is a safe alternative.
2. Do not bring sand to the beach. There is plenty of it already there.
3. Nobody likes an overcooked hotdog, so remember to frequently turn over while sunbathing.
4. The ocean is not your personal bathroom, it is everyone’s bathroom.
5. If the sand is hot, dig your feet in until it gets cool or you step on a needle.
6. Wear sunglasses so you can scope out members of the opposite sex who will undoubtedly reject you if you bother talking to them.
7. Don’t be afraid to show off your rippling flab.
8. The beach is not your personal trash can, it is everyone’s trash can.
9. Everyone likes lightly toasted buns, so remember to frequently turn over while sunbathing.