With everything that’s happening in the world today, it’s no wonder there are certain things that absolutely nobody is talking about! It seems these subjects are being completely ignored by the media and even on a local level, nobody is bothering to have a conversation about these timely and extremely important subjects. The editors of Subjects Magazine have compiled a list of the 7 most important things that nobody is talking about, but should!
1. Elf Dong – Why is nobody talking about Elf penis? How come this isn’t being discussed in grocery stores and around the dinner table? The world should really be paying attention to this. Are they big or small? Do they curl at the end just like Elven shoes? Do the Elves refer to them as their little toymakers? We need to be talking about this!
2. That itch in your butt – That itch has been there for a while now. Your crack is looking a little red. How come nobody is holding community town halls about this? Why are we ignoring this? We should be discussing creams and home remedies. There should be slide shows. This can’t be ignored!
3. What your favorite TV character just said – Your favorite TV character just said something in a very quiet, whispery sort of voice. What did she say? Jesus, rewind the DVR! You still can’t hear it? Why aren’t you on the phone to your friends and family to talk about this! She could have said, “Marry me,” or, “I’ve got double jointed fingers.” You can’t just keep watching the show hoping the whispered words will be explained later!
4. Elephant Dreams – These are big animals and they are dreaming and nobody is paying any attention to it! What could these things be dreaming about? A muddy waterhole? Walking? Peanuts! Why is this not being discussed at City Council meetings and at community health fairs. We need to start the conversation!
5. Corn – Why hasn’t the national media started talking about corn? What’s hiding behind those husks? Where are the marches, the rally’s, the voices of all of those who want to know more about corn? Why is it in our poop? Why isn’t this being brought up on first dates and at funerals? Why is it so delicious? Break out the butter and let’s start nibbling on this subject!
6. Snot Rockets – Why aren’t we having a serious discussion about what just shot out of your nose? Why can’t we talk about that goopy green mess on the back of your hand? Where is the community involvement? Why is more of that stuff falling out of your nose in a disgusting, dangling greenish-brown rope? Break out the tissues cause this conversation is about to real!
7. Lazy Ants – Who are these ants that take it easy while the rest of the colony works their asses off? Why isn’t this being discussed on street corners, corner markets and booths in corners of restaurants? Why aren’t they helping with the locust carcass, or the remnants of that corn dog? Why aren’t parents sitting down with their kids and talking about this instead of sex and drugs? We need to talk!
Next week Subjects Magazine brings you the 7 things you wish everyone would stop talking about.