Absent Minded Jogger Forgets to Wear His Shirt

Avid jogger and work-out enthusiast Donnie Gummycock was recently spotted jogging through his neighborhood completely shirtless. Multiple eyewitnesses reported seeing Donnie’s sweaty chest and abs as he bound down the tree lined suburban streets like some kind of golden Adonis. Many were left in complete disbelief that Donnie could have forgotten such an important wardrobe item as his shirt.

“Yeah, I just completely forgot to wear a shirt,” said Donnie as he cooled down in his driveway, “I was at the gym last night getting in a really good pump and I think I was so swole, that I completely forgot to cover up my rippling, incredible physique. I tell you what, there was no way I didn’t wear a shirt so that everyone in the neighborhood could see what a fucking stud I am. That’s not it at all. I just forgot.”

Eyewitness to Donnie’s shirtless jaunt through the tree lined streets of suburbia, Elizabeth Mindbook, had this to say about what she saw. “I just couldn’t believe someone could be so stupid as to not remember to wear a shirt. I mean come on. I tell you what, I don’t care if he’s got abs that I could theoretically use as a washboard, or if his biceps look like I could snuggle up into them on a cold winter night while watching a romantic comedy, I wouldn’t ever date someone who can’t remember something simple like wearing a shirt. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need some alone time.”

“I’ll tell you right now, forgetting to put on a shirt may be a sign of serious brain damage,” said Susan Peterbow, a research neurologist with the Brain Institute, “If he’s forgetting to cover up his wide perfect pectorals and chipped from stone side-abs on something as simple as a jog through the neighborhood, then what else is he forgetting? If we went out on a date and then came back to my place and I invited him into the bedroom, would he forget to wear pants, or underwear? I mean that’s something I’d like to find out, you know, for his brain’s sake.”

As Donnie stretched his long lean muscles in his driveway, in broad daylight, for the whole world to see, he commented that maybe the reason he forgot to put on his shirt was because his traps and lats were really sore. “Yeah, I think maybe that’s why I didn’t wear my shirt. It definitely isn’t because I want every female in the neighborhood to see that I work out and follow a healthy diet and can fuck for hours.” He flexed his muscles and added, “It’s also not because I have a perfect tan. Nope. Not a reason. I just forgot.”

“I would never forget to wear my shirt,” said Murv Dingleberry, an insurance adjuster, who sometimes works out never. “There’s just no way I would forget to wear a shirt over my bloated hairy torso. My mind is just too sharp for that. Do you know that I’ve never forgotten to wear a shirt, ever, not even when I’ve never had sex.”

Before stepping back into his house Donnie took a moment to pause on his doorstep and let the remaining sweat drip down his chiseled back. “I guess the one good thing about forgetting to wear my shirt was I avoided getting chaffed. My nipples are really sensitive.”

“He said that?” asked Susan, “Well that makes two of us.”

“I’m going running tomorrow so we’ll see if I can remember. Now if you’ll excuse me I need to get on my motorcycle and rev the fuck out of it; not so I can let everyone within a two-mile radius know that I have a loud, super cool, really badass motorcycle and that because it’s so loud, I must be fucking cool as well; that’s not it at all. Revving the motor helps circulate the oil. That’s the reason. I swear.”