Bald Tire Gets Tread Implants

Sporting a brand-new, thick flowing mane of tread, left front tire Adam Streetman, took to the roads today with renewed confidence. “I haven’t felt this young since I had less than a thousand miles on me,” said Adam as he ran his pressure gauge through his dense jigsaw-like rubber ego-booster, “I feel like a new tire. This is incredible!”

Adam started going bald around the age of five hundred miles, by the time he hit one thousand he was completely bald, except for a little bit of tread on the edge of his sidewalls. “I guess it was just mechanics,” said Adam as he admired his reflection in the hubcaps of the car next to him. “I was never rotated, and the alignment was never fixed so I went prematurely bald. It was hard seeing all my friends who still had a tire full of tread. It made me feel like less of a tire. I lost confidence in myself. I couldn’t even look at a curve let alone drive one. It was bad. But now I’ve got my mojo back. I can’t wait to get my life rolling again.”

Adam’s tread implant surgery was performed by Doctor David Drivetime, a renowned expert in the field of tread restoration. “I’ve seen a lot of cases, just like Adam’s. They start going bald early due to factors completely out of their control. It affects their confidence and can really start to have a negative effect on their grip of the road and sometimes reality.” Doctor Drivetime performed a rear tire tread transplant; a revolutionary technique that uses tread from one of the other tires on Adam’s car. “It’s an all-natural solution to the problem. We don’t use artificial tread, we use tread from Adam’s own original set of tires, so it looks and feels just like his real tread.”

“It’s amazing,” said Adam, “I mean, this is my tread. I can do whatever I want with it. I can take a curve at ninety miles an hour, I can drive through rain or snow, I can mess it up if I want to. This is all mine!”

Speaking of curves, Adam's luck has definitely changed since his tread implant. “There’s this curve, at the top of the hill, near my garage, that I’ve always had a crush on, but was too scared to drive her. I mean, she wasn’t going to let some bald tire take her sweeping left turn around the hill and down into the shopping center below. I always avoided her, but since I got my new tread, I’m happy to say that her and I are seeing each other regularly. It’s been incredible.”

“I’ve never seen Adam so happy,” said Brian, the brake pad on Adam’s side of the car, “Every time we would slow down, all I heard was the dry skidding sound of Adam crying. It was really sad. But now he’s got so much excitement in his voice. I never hear him skid anymore. I’m so happy for him.”

“I would recommend this to anyone struggling with baldness,” said Adam as he rolled around the curve at the top of the hill, “I mean, look at me now. I was bald, but now I’ve got tread again, I’ve got a curve friend and honestly, I’ve got my life back. Thanks Doctor Drivetime.”

So, what’s next for Adam? Reports are that he and the curve are getting really serious, she’s even wearing a stretch of Adam’s burned rubber in her left lane. Adam seems to be happy and is said to be thinking about getting a pressure gauge enlargement.