In what is being called the luckiest thing to ever happen to him, local toilet, Ron Breyerman was recently dealt a royal flush. The unexpected windfall came as a complete surprise to Ron, who hadn’t been dealt a flush in quite a while. Located in the utility room on the far side of the castle, Ron is a rarely, if ever used toilet who spends most of his time just sitting in the dark next to his friend Bob Mop, a crusty old mop handle attached to a desiccated and brittle mop head. That all changed on Friday night, when the King, in a near state of panic, burst into the room and proceeded to deal Ron some serious cards.
“I just couldn’t believe it,” said Ron, smiling from handle to bowl, “The most I had been dealt in the last few weeks was a pair of deuces and nothing even resembling a flush. I’m just flabbergasted.”
“I was starting to get worried about him,” said Bob, “Ron can sometimes get really manic about chasing the flush. Seeing those deuces just sitting there was really worrisome, but he kept telling me he could feel a flush coming, I guess he was right.”
The King was on his way back to his royal chambers after a day spent chugging beer, eating cheese sausage and chowing down on sour cream and guacamole French fries. Everyone could tell he was getting ready to deal a monster hand, it was really a question of who was going to get it.
“When he burst into the room, sweaty and pale, I thought it was one of the stable boys or maybe one of the cooks, but once he flipped on the light and I saw the reflection of his jeweled crown set atop his head, I knew it was my lucky day.”
“Ron initially got dealt a bunch of shit and as the King peeled off some toilet paper I figured, oh well, he’s just going to fold, but then something happened and the King went all in and dealt Ron an explosive hand. I could see Ron’s handle light up and I knew what was coming.”
“I actually got two royal flushes,” crowed Ron, “Am I lucky or what!”
“I was really happy for him, plus it was nice to finally get those deuces out of his hand. Those things had been there for almost a week.”
It’s been two weeks since the excitement of the royal flush and things have returned to normal, but Ron is hopeful that the royal flush he received won’t be his last. “Yeah, it’s been pretty quiet,” said Ron, “but I’m optimistic about the future and besides, baseball season is about to start and who knows, there’s always a chance I’ll see some upper deckers.”