Overworked Bottle of Wine Barely Has Time to Breathe

Wendy Martles, a twelve-dollar bottle of 2015 Cabernet Sauvignon from California’s north coast, reportedly had little to no time to even take a breath before having to immediately begin working at a local party on Friday night. “They popped my cork and I had to start pouring immediately. No chance to put my lunch in the fridge, check email or even get a cup of coffee.” Wendy’s boss, a twenty-five-year-old marketing associate for a local cheese company named Melissa Farmingham, was said to be completely unmoved by Wendy’s pleas for just five minutes to get her desk organized and instead insisted that Wendy get right to work filling plastic party cups.

“Everything is a fucking fire drill with her,” complained Wendy, “the moment I arrive at work she’s got me filling cups like it’s the end of the party. I just want two fucking seconds to sit at my desk, take a breath and get mentally prepared for work. You know what else I gotta take? A shit.”

Wendy was reportedly so flustered that she was seen dripping, dropping and drizzling wine all over the countertop and floor. “Yeah, I was dripping, so what, you can’t expect me to just be firing on all cylinders the second I arrive back at work from a long weekend.” Wendy had spent the preceding three days relaxing on a shelf at the local supermarket. “It was good to have that extra day, but coming back to work like this makes it feel like I didn’t get any time off.”

By the time Wendy was allowed to take a breath most of her wine was gone and the party was winding down. “What a day. I didn’t even have a chance to listen to any of my voicemails. I think I’ll take that shit now, then I’m out of here.”

Upon returning from the bathroom, Melissa informed Wendy that she was going to have to work overtime as a drunken game of spin the bottle was about to start.